Thank You Dad
Prologue
its not easy dealing - facing the fact, experiencing losing someone whom you love and close with. Dad left us last Saturday 26th March on 12:05 am - after 3 weeks hospitalized ( for shortness of breath, relying on 24 hour oxygen treatment at home and battling a bed sore ).
The previous week after we discharged him from the hospital - I kissed his forehead countless of times, told him that i'll bring him back HOME, holding his hand and repeatedly said to him " dad - it's ok!!!!"
My whole landscape and perception changed forever and for next 5 days i experienced is like a long dream. For 40 years, whenever i came home from somewhere, he will greet me by coming out from the room - into the living hall to smoke with me.
His small gestures,minimal talk means alot. His action thru the the years developed my acute sense of observation. You see - my dad doesn't talk a lot, he will spend his time reading the papers, occasionally instructed me to pay the house bills, the typical yes and no type.
He will simply answer when you coaxed him with the right questions.
As a husband - He didnt fool around, gamble or womanizing and most importantly never complaint. Mum persuaded dad to conceive me - after she babysit her youngest sister first born. She asked her other children if they want a baby brother or a sister.
my second bro won the bet.
She attended the funeral for the whole 5 days. What is beautiful is, she got a beautiful tough, bittersweet role here. She is one of those select few that able to see my dad objectively as an individual. After being a part in thru years of trials, tribulations, happiness our parents marriage, the last 5 days accompanying us in the wake and the funeral is the toughest.
Dad took 2 weeks leave to court my mum. I know mum is not an easy person but he did what is needed.
The Formative Assignments
Being the youngest, i have the opportunity to spend so much time and observing him, his ethics, habits and discipline as he retired from the army. I learned and pick up so much from him - especially in the areas of crafts, documentation filings and yes organizing your stuffs.
In other words - messy is not in his vocabulary.
I still remember when he brought back 2 rabbits and he build a freaking double storey wooden cage for them - complete with a staircase. Initially I thought the rabbits were meant for me, but i realized that he spend more time with them than me.
The Gold Fish Episode
my second bro purchased a batch of beautiful gold fishes, my dad somehow pro-actively/dictatorial took over his role, caring them, resulting all the fishes died as my dad fed them way - way too much.
What he did is brilliant. He purchased a new batch of goldfish - replacing them - hoping my second bro didnt notice it. At least he knows how to cover his mistakes rather than running away from it.
I dig his drawers - unearthing his numerous service medals,photos, certificates - the process which made my jaw dropped. You know why? He didnt bragged or even shared his past experience with us. He simply put all his medals away.
Mind you, he was the Sergeant Kor 1 Peninjau Di Raja ( The Scout Regiment ), known as the perisikan tempur. This squad was given the title Di Raja due to their excellent track mission record.
So what is a recce?
His squad are the ones that is responsible to go behind enemy lines, collect vital information relaying to the HQ , also a dog handler ( a German Shepard ). He got involved in the Indonesian and Communist confrontation - stationed and engaged in numerous gun battles and sent to Congo on behalf of the United Nation.
Dad provided us basic food, a roof over our head, food on the table and practical tough love - nothing more and nothing less. His tough love fueled us big time. We get on by ourselves ,did and pay everything on our own.
I came to the fact that our old man ( like rest of the asian man ) they dont show their emotions and affections. So at times, we need to figure out ( in our head ) if they sayang us or not.
Impermanence.
Lord Buddha mentioned that all of us cant escape old age, sickness and death. Life itself are the very cause of roots of emotional and physical sufferings. So for me - Its really tough seeing dad every time in the hospital, poked with IV drips and seeing him lying down motionless. Deep inside my heart, i know he hated it, those hourly blood pressure and tests and so on.
Once in the hospital, he pulled out a huge joke, a young medical officer said this to him
its not easy dealing - facing the fact, experiencing losing someone whom you love and close with. Dad left us last Saturday 26th March on 12:05 am - after 3 weeks hospitalized ( for shortness of breath, relying on 24 hour oxygen treatment at home and battling a bed sore ).
The previous week after we discharged him from the hospital - I kissed his forehead countless of times, told him that i'll bring him back HOME, holding his hand and repeatedly said to him " dad - it's ok!!!!"
My whole landscape and perception changed forever and for next 5 days i experienced is like a long dream. For 40 years, whenever i came home from somewhere, he will greet me by coming out from the room - into the living hall to smoke with me.
 |
| his favorite cigarette |
His small gestures,minimal talk means alot. His action thru the the years developed my acute sense of observation. You see - my dad doesn't talk a lot, he will spend his time reading the papers, occasionally instructed me to pay the house bills, the typical yes and no type.
He will simply answer when you coaxed him with the right questions.
As a husband - He didnt fool around, gamble or womanizing and most importantly never complaint. Mum persuaded dad to conceive me - after she babysit her youngest sister first born. She asked her other children if they want a baby brother or a sister.
my second bro won the bet.
So here i am. The furthest and the youngest in the family.
Revisiting Oral History.
My mum's sister Lim Geok Loon was the cupid.
She attended the funeral for the whole 5 days. What is beautiful is, she got a beautiful tough, bittersweet role here. She is one of those select few that able to see my dad objectively as an individual. After being a part in thru years of trials, tribulations, happiness our parents marriage, the last 5 days accompanying us in the wake and the funeral is the toughest.
Dad took 2 weeks leave to court my mum. I know mum is not an easy person but he did what is needed.
The Formative Assignments
Being the youngest, i have the opportunity to spend so much time and observing him, his ethics, habits and discipline as he retired from the army. I learned and pick up so much from him - especially in the areas of crafts, documentation filings and yes organizing your stuffs.
In other words - messy is not in his vocabulary.
 |
| dad made me an awesome Cap America shield - and mind you, its made from real steel. |
all the time curious, at times - i purposely build Lego in front of him and showing him the process of the built. He digs jigsaw puzzles, beating my Tetris handheld game record too.
He literally pulled the rabbit's ear up and down like those magicians on the stage - his sole objective and purpose of doing that is to train them to use the stairs in the cage.
I said to dad " the rabbit doesn't know the concept of stairs - upstairs or downstairs dad."
if there is FB back those days, we'll get PETA animal protesters in front of our house. He got the best intentions at heart but at times his actions doesn't reflect it.
I said to dad " the rabbit doesn't know the concept of stairs - upstairs or downstairs dad."
if there is FB back those days, we'll get PETA animal protesters in front of our house. He got the best intentions at heart but at times his actions doesn't reflect it.
The Gold Fish Episode
my second bro purchased a batch of beautiful gold fishes, my dad somehow pro-actively/dictatorial took over his role, caring them, resulting all the fishes died as my dad fed them way - way too much.
What he did is brilliant. He purchased a new batch of goldfish - replacing them - hoping my second bro didnt notice it. At least he knows how to cover his mistakes rather than running away from it.
I got the View Master - mind you this is one magical piece which are one of my many "informal excellent teachers" who taught me the power of visuals - best giler....i spend hours and hours with this.
Medals and such.
I dig his drawers - unearthing his numerous service medals,photos, certificates - the process which made my jaw dropped. You know why? He didnt bragged or even shared his past experience with us. He simply put all his medals away.
Mind you, he was the Sergeant Kor 1 Peninjau Di Raja ( The Scout Regiment ), known as the perisikan tempur. This squad was given the title Di Raja due to their excellent track mission record.
So what is a recce?
His squad are the ones that is responsible to go behind enemy lines, collect vital information relaying to the HQ , also a dog handler ( a German Shepard ). He got involved in the Indonesian and Communist confrontation - stationed and engaged in numerous gun battles and sent to Congo on behalf of the United Nation.
Dad provided us basic food, a roof over our head, food on the table and practical tough love - nothing more and nothing less. His tough love fueled us big time. We get on by ourselves ,did and pay everything on our own.
I came to the fact that our old man ( like rest of the asian man ) they dont show their emotions and affections. So at times, we need to figure out ( in our head ) if they sayang us or not.
Impermanence.
Lord Buddha mentioned that all of us cant escape old age, sickness and death. Life itself are the very cause of roots of emotional and physical sufferings. So for me - Its really tough seeing dad every time in the hospital, poked with IV drips and seeing him lying down motionless. Deep inside my heart, i know he hated it, those hourly blood pressure and tests and so on.
Once in the hospital, he pulled out a huge joke, a young medical officer said this to him
"uncle - its not good smoking"
he pulled up his blanket and proceeded to sleep - making me laugh so loud. Cmon man - he's been smoking before i was even born.
Any man or woman who reached age of 70 can do whatever he/she wants to. My awesome auntie Lim Geok Loon again who got her second heart bypass asked a cigarette - very next day from my dad who visited her in the ward.
Any man or woman who reached age of 70 can do whatever he/she wants to. My awesome auntie Lim Geok Loon again who got her second heart bypass asked a cigarette - very next day from my dad who visited her in the ward.
So i have to remind myself that dad is in the better place, he no longer attached to the physical body and sufferings. Every time i will have Yoda in my head utter this to me.
“Death is a natural part of life. REJOICE for those around you who transform into the Force. Mourn them do not.
This line gave me strength and stamina to endure this "physical" separation for the whole week.
Dad - i love you and i believe you LOVE us in your own special way. Truthfully its extremely hard to say goodbye at first - i know you cared for us from the day we are born until to the day where we sent you to the crematorium.
its such a beautiful day.
You are now OK and awesome.
Deep down from my beating heart -
Mr Ee Cheng Hee - thank you and i ( WE ) love you.
Always.
| CNY 2016 - mum asked for forgiveness from dad. | See his dry humor. |
 | ||||
 |
| Priceless. |
I would like to say Thank you to all my god-brothers, friends, families, cousins, aunties and extended family members who supported us physically, emotionally during the funeral.
Your personal text / fb messages, visit and wishes is awesome, thank you.
The universe is objective enough to reward all of you accordingly.
May all of you be free from any physical sufferings, mental sufferings, harm and danger and be well and happy.
May the force be with you.
https://theobservatoryanderson78.blogspot.com/2019/03/a-long-ride-back-home.html
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