Of Balls and Genitalia
word of caution - this is not my usual post, this post is dedicated to true blue Melaka boys and readers.
If you happen to drop by to Melaka, i have to warn you - the traffic and the language. First and foremost the traffic is due to visitors who are from different states - which i dont know why they willing to come down, spend all their hard earned money in toll and petrol to contribute a bigger mess to my town.
Why dont all of you guys go to Kampar? Go and make a mess over there la.......
Its already a handful when we have the crass loud/deaf China tourists who eats durians like barbarians and have all those big annoying cibai umbrella. Let me add - we have irresponsible local parents who happens to forgot their babies and children when they are in a shop.
The annoying ones are the ones who hog the road, taking their sweet time - walks so slowly and not knowing where to go.
Imagine, all these China tourist flew all the way to purchase items from China. Imagine, you spend hours in a traffic jam just to eat a freaking cendol, imagine you come all the way to snap a freaking selfie with colonial ruins and buildings. Posing with hard evidence to show how we openly accepted foreign powers and got screwed for hundreds of years until 1957.
a sleepy town that is once an international post modern trading hub now replaced with cheap neon lights,garbage snacks, undercooked chicken rice balls shaped like elephant testicle, crass plastic moron mass merchandising, crass designed museums aimed for tourist's consumption, overpriced antique shops and yes of course more lancau shopping malls.
all my favourite childhood stalls are now replaced with generic cibai restaurants, reliable fast food joints - well come to think about it, its hard for me to go out when i come back home as i need to fill my stomach with my mum's delicious food. Having aunties who can cook brilliantly too helps alot.
Melaka - a city where you can reach 5 places on a motorbike - lost her charm thru the years and i cant really connect and figure out what the hell is happening. More concrete buildings and they kept building more.
But the moment when i catch hold with my friends, my state spirit animal came back.......
we Malaccans like to curse, in fact we will find ways, creatively arranged swear words for 5 minutes then only we reach to the point of any conversation. Here - we will name every genitalia, profanity thrown in like there is no tommorow. The ones who cant stand it - will shiver unto the corner - figuring out logical sensible answers on why we like to curse.
There is once where my pal and his wife joined me for dinner, 3 tables away, a mutual friend spotted us - came right at us and asked why the fuck we didnt call him to join us.
What made it worst is his wife is from a different state and My pal have to give a long academic VIVA presentation to his wife as she was stunned by our mutual friend's profanity laden question..
All linguistic, vocabs, verbs is mixed to deliver a Mike Tyson KO punch, only the strongest survive. My fellow state citizens will speak like they are in a heated arguments - the fact is they are simply asking how the hell they've been. We dont get complimentary hugs or words that warm the soul, we have lyrical paragraphs of curse words as a welcoming mat.
Instead of a warm greeting - they greeted us by thinking that we already kicked the bucket.
Welcome to Melaka folks!
.
So kindly dont be a cibai kia by littering my freaking city ok.
If you happen to drop by to Melaka, i have to warn you - the traffic and the language. First and foremost the traffic is due to visitors who are from different states - which i dont know why they willing to come down, spend all their hard earned money in toll and petrol to contribute a bigger mess to my town.
Why dont all of you guys go to Kampar? Go and make a mess over there la.......
Its already a handful when we have the crass loud/deaf China tourists who eats durians like barbarians and have all those big annoying cibai umbrella. Let me add - we have irresponsible local parents who happens to forgot their babies and children when they are in a shop.
The annoying ones are the ones who hog the road, taking their sweet time - walks so slowly and not knowing where to go.
Imagine, all these China tourist flew all the way to purchase items from China. Imagine, you spend hours in a traffic jam just to eat a freaking cendol, imagine you come all the way to snap a freaking selfie with colonial ruins and buildings. Posing with hard evidence to show how we openly accepted foreign powers and got screwed for hundreds of years until 1957.
a sleepy town that is once an international post modern trading hub now replaced with cheap neon lights,garbage snacks, undercooked chicken rice balls shaped like elephant testicle, crass plastic moron mass merchandising, crass designed museums aimed for tourist's consumption, overpriced antique shops and yes of course more lancau shopping malls.
Melaka - a city where we can see hotels in every corner of the city.
all my favourite childhood stalls are now replaced with generic cibai restaurants, reliable fast food joints - well come to think about it, its hard for me to go out when i come back home as i need to fill my stomach with my mum's delicious food. Having aunties who can cook brilliantly too helps alot.
Melaka - a city where you can reach 5 places on a motorbike - lost her charm thru the years and i cant really connect and figure out what the hell is happening. More concrete buildings and they kept building more.
But the moment when i catch hold with my friends, my state spirit animal came back.......
oi puki mak.............cibai......kau tak kenal aku lagi cibai?
( i refused to translate this in English as it will lose their originality )
we Malaccans like to curse, in fact we will find ways, creatively arranged swear words for 5 minutes then only we reach to the point of any conversation. Here - we will name every genitalia, profanity thrown in like there is no tommorow. The ones who cant stand it - will shiver unto the corner - figuring out logical sensible answers on why we like to curse.
There is once where my pal and his wife joined me for dinner, 3 tables away, a mutual friend spotted us - came right at us and asked why the fuck we didnt call him to join us.
Lahanatttttt...........Binawe lu anak sundal - apahal kau tak ajak aku sial?
Its not we like it - its part of us.
All linguistic, vocabs, verbs is mixed to deliver a Mike Tyson KO punch, only the strongest survive. My fellow state citizens will speak like they are in a heated arguments - the fact is they are simply asking how the hell they've been. We dont get complimentary hugs or words that warm the soul, we have lyrical paragraphs of curse words as a welcoming mat.
Instead of a warm greeting - they greeted us by thinking that we already kicked the bucket.
hidup lagi si lahanat ni.........
Welcome to Melaka folks!
.
So kindly dont be a cibai kia by littering my freaking city ok.
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